Apparently this woman was a bad actor since childhood and her parents didn’t even like her. I’m just convinced – have you seen the statistics?” This is right on their level – they’ll “get” it and it’ll make them want you more because they secretly wish they could be that way. They like the idea of having their autonomy, but they can be quite begrudging when you indicate the desire to choose how you will be. Trust me, they’ll drive you crazy if you don’t learn how to handle them. We only recommend services that we trust. Most are smart enough to know (intellectually) that life cannot fit precisely into a tidy box, but once they are “on mission” to get what they want, they insist upon conformity. Alternatively, they’ll ask who you’re dressing up for and potentially discuss your morals and “loose” sexual behavior. So one simple way to make a narcissist show his true colors is … Should I Contact the Narcissist's New Supply? I will thrive, I will survive, I will inspire. If you're involved with a narcissist, you can also expect to be belittled and insulted. I need a way to make the authorities understand. by Catherine Ann Sutton (Paperback) online at Lulu. Dr. Les Carter’s passion is working one on one with individuals in his counseling office. Any inkling that they're less than perfect will drive them over the edge. Unique experiences not only do not disturb me, they keep me engaged with real life. They won’t even know what to do when you put up that little barrier. I was stunned! When I hear your words, I will measure them carefully, then I will go onto the path that makes sense to me. She dropped hints from the pulpit to shame me into accepting him as a suitor, then told me a story of a man at the church “he shunned this woman who had a crush on him, he called her names behind her back…HE DIED!” As if to say God was going to take me home early/to Heaven if I didn’t accept this pervert as a suitor. You can anchor in a philosophy that recognizes this: As your life is exposed to a broad array of people and events (even the ones that are not pleasant) you can be a better person. Not only does it steal their spotlight, but it also causes them to have to focus on you – even if it’s just to figure out how to get the focus back on them. Your description of narcissists is so spot on that I couldn’t believe my ears! There are usually no action plans, no deadlines, no backup plans. I can only tell you that when I go to God, miracles happen. If you suspect you’re with a narcissist, the better route might be to prepare mentally on how to leave while collecting more information about their character. Keep a certain amount of distance between the two of you. Jealousy in a narcissist can be dangerous, so be careful here. Disruption, complexity, inclusion, and autonomy bring out the worst in the controlling narcissist, but that does not have to be the case with you if you learn how to handle a narcissist. Mar 14, 2015 - Recreational reading on dealing with the narcissist in your life using humor. Related Video: Things Narcissists Hate (And Fear). Because the truth is that not allowing the narcissist to run your schedule is one step closer to your own freedom – and as long as they’re not physically abusing you, you can get away with ignoring their little fits. “it’s so great that you’re so comfortable with your appearance – I wouldn’t be so confident if my eyes were so far apart, etc.” or “wow, your face would be totally perfect if only your nose wasn’t quite so crooked.” *Note – the “imperfection” doesn’t even need to be real – because the narc will obsess about even perceived imperfections and constantly seek your approval. I told her about suspicious activity at his apt complex that I’d seen (prostitutes & drugs) and suggested something was going on, but rather than be concerned for me, her “sheep”, she yelled at me “That’s NOT what’s going on!” and caught me off guard so I wouldn’t bring it up again. Many episodes in your life could be described as wild, while others would be catalogued as mundane. This is exactly what they’re doing to you during gaslighting – so why not return the favor? This includes your emotional energy in whatever way they can get it – and they certainly need to know that you love them at any given moment. Beware when you come on the scene, and there is a 'crazy ex'. Once a narcissist can say, “screw you” with impunity, he will use splitting to cut the legs out from under everyone he previously set-up to believe they were cared for. But with that strong need for control, others’ autonomy can be anathema to narcissists. His goal is simple, explain narcissism and its powerful impact upon relationships, then offer alternatives for healthy living. One more example of this tactic: “I love how you will go out in public looking like shit without even caring – how do you manage to find the confidence even carrying around those extra pounds? That’s because they’ll be fascinated in a weird grotesque kind of way – but also a little scared. This woman had an inordinate aversion and obsession with my bio mom’s and my dad’s families. It’ll drive them nuts as they’ll want validation from you, but don’t give them everything. Unfortunately, when individuals perpetuate too much complexity, narcissists can nurse the notion: “Quit expecting me to adjust and compromise. So keep it in mind as you go forward and remember that probably 99 percent of the things the narcissist says about you are completely wrong – or at the very least, extremely exaggerated. I’m an empath, yep and “was” totally unaware of narcissists, so I learned a valuable lesson. Visit the Lulu Marketplace for product details, ratings, and reviews. Besides, he has enough to deal with already, she’s his wife. #7 Have them question your feelings. When I brought that story up to her later, she denied it/lied “I’ve never heard that story before!” I said “neither have I, until YOU told it to me!” I know what I heard, you may as well tell Moses he didn’t see a burning bush or hear God speak, I KNOW what I heard. You know how narcissists have this way of blowing everything out of proportion? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I've got two questions for you. This is also designed to erode your confidence. It’s not you – it’s them. If you want to drive a narcissist crazy, stop being available to them. Here’s a helpful video to start with. drive someone nuts phrase. Remember that part of what the narcissist needs from you is narcissistic supply. Sounds like attributes of the Nazi regime during the holocaust. So start overreacting and getting way too emotional about the little things. I think it's time we clear up some confusion for our community. Each of these matters testifies to the complexity of life. You find yourself coddling him, accepting certain conditions and behaviors out of habit. I see that you have so much empathy for the narcissist and I immediatedly have empathy for them too because I know what they go thru. The problem is that strong women are not so easily brought down. I have to spend the last few years enjoying my life.